Back to December...

It seriously feels like I just wrote “Here’s to be November” and here I am saying goodbye. Truth be told I am not excited for December or for the holidays one bit, if it were up to me I could do without it. If that makes me a “Grinch” then so be it.

I was at work today and while looking for something I stopped and let my mind wander for a bit, I just realized that with December being tomorrow, four months from Friday I will be 21 years old. That scares the hell out of me, I literally just turned 20; time is going by way too fast for my liking. In other news, yesterday I took my philosophy final which meant I am officially done with the fall semester. Now I have more time to blog and whatnot without having to worry about the time and if I have an assignment due, well till January and I kind of still have to worry about the time considering I work at 8 am but you get what I meant.

I hate to be a Debbie downer but I honestly am not looking forward to the next 31 days but it’s going to be here in less than two hours so I might as well say my goodbyes. November, you were full of stress and frustration but somehow I found the good in you. You brought me wonderful new music, new friendships and made my sister and dad another year older, thank you for that. December, I beg of you to please be kind. A part of me already knows what to expect but I can only hope that things will be different, only time shall tell. I am not ready for this but is anyone ever ready for the future?

I am leaving you with a song, listen to words and get lost within, goodnight my dears.

xoxo,

alicia.

One of those days...

Ever have one of those days where nothing feels right? Where you feel like your hands are tied and you're left feeling overwhelmed with life? A day where you just want to cry your eyes out and go to bed, or worse? Don't say no because truth be told everyone has those days, I am having one as we speak. I wish I could say how to get over it and feel happy but I can't because I don't even know how to do so myself, but what I will do is to tell you to do is listen to this song. Someway, somehow this song always manages to lift my spirits so all I can say is give it a listen.

xoxo,

alicia

Happy Thanksgiving!

To this day I am thankful for everything and everyone God has blessed me with but first and foremost I am thankful for God being in my life and by my side when I needed him most. I don’t know who or where I would be without Him and for that I am forever thankful. God has blessed me with a wonderful mother and father and five annoyingly amazing sisters, friends (not many but friends nonetheless), and one amazing family in particular who has always been there for me. He has blessed me with a great job with wonderful people, an opportunity to attend school, even if there have been a few bumps along the road and a roof over my head.  I am thankful for my health and to have a healthy family and as cliché as this may seem, I am thankful for my hearing. Without my hearing I would not have the opportunity to listen to music for hours and hours and would not have the opportunity to interpret the lyrics. I would not have the opportunity to play music my own way and would not have to opportunity to get lost within, so for that I am forever thankful.

Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving everyone!

xoxo,

alicia.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Happy birthday to our daddy! You were there for us when we fell (me more than once, literally falling) and dusted off our clothes and taught us to get back up. You showed us that there are better things in life than being materialistic and showed us that family is more important than anything. You taught us how to cheer for the Cardinal’s and “shoot” vehicles with the other team logos and to throw “grenades” and “bombs” whenever we see vehicles with Cowboys and Steeler logos and to this day Mindy and Ernestina still do so. Mom would say you’re a bad influence on us but it’s all fun and games right? Well kind of.

You are a hardworking, strong man with a wonderful sense of humor. You’re always there to support us in every sport we play and every band concert we have and always make sure you cheer as loud as you can while being there. You get on our nerves at times and sometimes we just want to scream as loud as we can but  we couldn’t have been blessed with a better dad. We love you and happy birthday!

Always with a bazillion amounts of love,

Licia

WHATEVER!

Hey all! 

Okay so I told myself I wouldn’t blog this week until I am finished with ALL my homework and papers but no words could describe how THRILLED I am right at this moment. It just so happens that Hot Chelle Rae is streaming their new album that comes out next Tuesday November 29^th on their website. And with me being the total fangirl that I am, I literally shrieked with excitement!

So of course you can guess website I am on right now, right? Yup that’s right, hotchellerae.com, along with twitter and my math lab. I thought a ten-twenty minute break would do me some good, so here I am fangirling it up. After discovering them this past July, seeing them live this past August and stalking the hell out of them on Twitter (I promise I am not the only one who does that lol) I can’t believe how much of a fangirl I have became.

It is all good though, anyway I should probably get back to blasting some HCR oh and back to my math! Have a wonderful day my BEAUTIFUL FREAKS! <3

X's & O's,

alicia.

Finals, 'nough said...

Not writing much today, just thought posting this will be fun. Here's to ANOTHER week of late (later) nights and (more) lack of sleep. Wish me luck, thanks! :)

Xoxo,

alicia.

Happy 13th Birthday Mindy!

Thirteen years ago today Mindy Ashley Ramirez was born into our family though I like to say she was left on our doorstop because the aliens didn’t want her and eventually I pay for saying that. I can’t believe she is thirteen today, it seems like it was yesterday when she was that annoying little girl who said she would never grow up and look at her today towering over us all, including our momma.

You’re growing up so fast little girl, where has the time gone? You went from loving Dora the Explorer and playing kitchen all the time to trying to break dance, becoming a diehard Cardinal fan, making us laugh and curling your hair! I don’t even know who you are anymore, just kidding. Despite your annoyingness you continue to amaze me each and every day and to be perfectly honest, I don’t think there will be a day where you won’t amaze me. Even though I like to say you’re old, you’re still so young and I can’t wait to see what thirteen brings for you.

Remember no matter how much taller than me you get and how much older you are you’ll always be my baby sister. I love you and happy birthday Freakazoid! Here’s a song just for you (because you keep singing it).

Always with a bazillion amounts of love,

Licia 

“Sister to sister we’ll always be, a couple of nuts off the family tree…”

-Author Unknown

Breaking Dawn & whatnot...

The Twilight Saga. How many girls did you hear scream after reading those three words? Every status I see on Facebook, every tweet I see on Twitter, every blog I see here on Blogger and most post I see on Tumblr are all about tonight and Breaking Dawn Part One. As much as I hate to say it, I am a little jealous.
Unfortunately for me, I have failed to finish reading the book three years ago. Recently I decided with all the hush bub going on anticipating the movie, I would attempt it once more. I am now at the end of Jacob's Book, for those who have read it, however I had to pause myself. With classes ending next week I had to put that book down and pick up my text books and with me being the person I am today, I refuse to see the movie until I finish the book.
I am not as excited as these self proclaimed "Twi-Hards", but I am curious to see what they actually used from the book, not to mention the Twilight saga soundtrack has never let me down. To be perfectly honest with you I thought the books were okay, but if I had to choose a favorite right now, it would be Twilight. That is the book that started it all, and that is where I myself, fell in love with Edward. I liked the books because I didn't know how the characters looked like, I just went based on how their personalities where and the words that were written. Casting Robert Pattinson as Edward was just a plus in my book, so I suppose you could say that I am definitely Team Edward.
For those who are going to the midnight premier, have fun but if any of you people give away what happens in the movie I will hunt you down and hurt you; kidding, well kinda.
With love,
-alicia.

"No measure of time with you will be long enough, but we shall start with forever..."

-Edward Cullen

Alternative to coffee?

Doesn't that look like it would be warm and tasty? Then the second picture is just something I see quite often with people. I suppose they are both drinks to keep you up and energized for the time being? By looking at these two, I wish I liked coffee, but to be quite honest I don’t. It’s not just that I don’t like the taste but the smell is repulsive to me; yeah my stomach and I aren’t quite friends.

It seems like every show I see or every status that I read people are staying up late and drinking coffee for energy because they stay up late to study or work. Some people have said that it can keep them awake sometimes up to five hours straight, man I could use that boost to keep me awake. I feel that nowadays I am lacking energy, especially since I spend a rather large portion of my day on the computer. As it grows later I feel myself wearing out and ready to go to bed for the night but of course with finals a week away I have to endure late nights once again.

Unfortunately for me, as I stated above, I am not a fan. I wonder if there is anything else that could keep people awake for days like this. It’s crazy how a year ago I could stay up as late as I wanted to and not be as tired, fast forward to today and I am trying everything in the book to stay awake past 11:30 pm.My question for you is there anything else besides coffee to keep one up, myself for example, with the ability to finish her homework and test and prevent me from looking like this:

If there is let me know, thanks. In the mean time, I shall leave you with a song that I am listening to while writing and a song that I hold dear to my heart. On another note, I know this isn't much, I suppose it's a result of late night thinking, me fighting sleep, and taking a break from my math.

Goodnight all,

-alicia.

Maybe I do have a reason to write...

I doubt my writing sometimes. There are days when I wonder if posting what I do is the smart thing to do at that very moment. I wonder what people will say about me after posting though I know I shouldn’t. I also wonder if putting my life out there is wise. Then I consider deleting my blog all together and just forget I even tried, besides who is even reading it right?

During this past week I have received a few messages from girls ranging in the age of 16-19. Each message these girls stated to me the tough time they were going through over this year, they’re problems were so different yet the same. One even made me emotional because I have been there though I have not written about that exact subject; anyway the girls mentioned the fact that after reading my blog they felt a lot better knowing they weren’t alone in life. One mentioned that she was going through a breakup and felt alone, so alone that she had bad thoughts, she stated that after reading my blog she broke down cause she related to everything I had wrote. Another decided to spread my blog around twitter and advised people to read it, thank you for that.

Three girls decided to write me because of things I wrote, because in some way I managed to help them. I don’t know if there are other people who I have unknowingly helped but if I have I want you to know that YOU are the reason I write. YOU are the reason why I won’t stop because for all I know there is someone else out there who is deep emotional pain and in need.

If you are reading this I want to take the time to thank you for your support and to tell you that eventually things do get better. Even if you don’t support what I write, somehow it is helping someone and if I can help I know I am doing something right. Thank you and smile, for all you know a smile can be the light someone in the dark is in need of.

With love,

alicia.

Homework Vs. Fangirling

It is 5:30 am and I am wide awake. My dad decided to wake me up because he couldn’t find the tortillas for his breakfast. I must love that man because if it were anyone else, my sisters for example, I would have taken my butt back to sleep. I tried to go back to bed but the thought of sleep is only a dream at this point.

Well since I am wide awake I thought, “Hey Alicia, why not work on some homework?” then I replied, “You know what Alicia that actually sounds like a brilliant idea, let’s get to it!” Then of course, I open my computer and turn it on and the first thing I go on is Tumblr. When I logged off of everything I forgot that I left a page open that I was looking at on Tumblr last night. It was a page dedicated to John Gomez and Brian Dales of The Summer Set, of course I wasn’t going to turn that down. So as I was looking at the pictures I have come to the realization that I am so obsessed with band boys it’s ridiculous. Seriously if you saw my Tumblr page you would probably think I am a huge creeper, which I am. Kidding but I can’t help it some guys are just hot, like Ian Keaggy and Ryan Follese’ from Hot Chelle Rae, goodness!

On another note, there is no other note but I shall leave you with a song and maybe a few pictures so you can see why I am in love with these boys. Who knows, maybe you will be too. Uh scratch that, just look DO NOT fall in love, I called them first…jeez you probably think I am a huge weirdo, eh I am totally fine with that! J

Cheers to being weird!

-alicia.

  This is Ian Keaggy from Hot Chelle Rae, swoon right? Just wait til you hear his voice and see his smile.

Ryan Follese', also known as RK from Hot Chelle Rae, another swoon.

This is John Gomez from The Summer Set!

and this is Brian Dales from The Summer Set.

TOTAL fangirl moment.

Oh well, good morning by the way and have a wonderfully awesome day!

A letter to my readers.

Dear readers,

                First and foremost I want to thank you for taking the time to read what I write, it means a lot. I don’t know why you read but thank you nonetheless. People have asked why I have chose to write what I do and I am going to try my best to explain why; bear with me.

People, no matter who you are, where you’re from, or what you’ve done (totally quoted Backstreet Boys right there, high five if you caught that), have gone through similar situations. Whether it may be overwhelmed from the stress of homework, family, broken hearts, friends or frustration in yourself, we have all experienced it. Unfortunately sometimes things can be so overwhelming that they don’t know how to handle it which usually results in evil thoughts. Trust me, I have been there.

Handling those days may be the hardest thing in the world at that very moment. You feel so alone and believe that your friends are gone, even if they are not your mind can be quite overpowering. I write because I know how it feels to feel alone, I know how it feels to lose someone you love, I know how it feels to stay up till 5 am writing an assignment and having to go to work two hours later. I also know how it feels to cry all night and feel like you’re at a dead end.

I write to tell you that you are not alone. I feel that sharing my experiences with you will prove to you that you are not going through this life alone, whether you are here in good ol’ Arizona with me or Italy. No matter where you are, I will always be here for you. As humans we often feel ashamed of letting someone see the side of us where we break down and cry but why is that? We are indeed humans, we do have feelings and letting them out helps us feel better, even if you don’t believe that at the beginning.

I know I am not the best writer in the world, hell I know I am not the best writer in Arizona but regardless of it all I try my best to help you from personal experiences. Do I care who people portray me to be because of it? No. There will always be someone talking about you and judging you no matter what you do but don’t let that stop you from going where you want to go. I write because I care.

If I have helped you in any way, I am glad. If I haven’t, then I apologize for my lack of advice but in the end all you have to do is believe. Believe that I am a great writer for one, totally kidding. Believe that you don’t have a bad life but that you’re only having bad day. Believe that tomorrow is a new day and believe that there is light at the end of that tunnel.

With love,

alicia.

Back to square one...

It is the third night of November and I just don't know how to feel at this very moment. I mean it is the start of the holidays, near the end of the year and all I can think about is myself and the past.
I logged onto Facebook today and saw someone I didn't want to see. Facebook has been something that I used to not only keep in touch with people I haven't talked to for awhile, but for people I see on a regular basis, friends I left at NAU, and for some reason people who annoy the hell out of me. But even so, it has been a tad bit easy these past couple of months. People were still annoying, but I was semi okay with it.
Why? Because one person wasn't there. Today, even though I knew it was coming, Facebook isn't okay for me anymore. I don't want one person to be the reason why I can't go online anymore. I know that there are things happening but I don't want to know about it, I'd actually prefer not to acknowledge anything but that is easier said than done.
I despise this feeling, a feeling that makes me feel alone. I want to say that it feels as if I have nervous butterflies but that would imply that there is something when in reality there is nothing. I'm a hostage to this feeling, a victim of giving in. Why? Because for some reason my mind thought it knew what it was doing. Now my mind is so messed up I don't know what is right and what is wrong anymore. Not the perfect setting for the last full month of school yet I still give in to the late night thinking. I give in to the moments where I reminiscence and wish things were different but I have no one to blame but myself.
I need October back, I wish for March but I will settle with October. I am sure everyone has heard the saying "Life is what you make of it" but here's the thing, I am trying my absolute hardest to make my life what I want it to be; we don't always get what we want. Sometimes we end up sitting/ laying in our thoughts, overwhelmed by it all. Much like I am right now, but how do we overcome it? I feel like I always have advice for someone in need because I am always going through or may have went through something similar but this time I have nothing. There is so much more to me that no one but a handful of people will ever know or understand and honestly I am not ready to share that chapter of my life with you. Regardless of who knows and who doesn't, I don't want to rewrite that chapter again.
I am at a loss for words. -alicia.

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