Life
is very difficult. There will be no sugar coating here because the fact of the
matter is, yes, there are many obstacles to overcome; some will make you cry in
defeat and others you will overcome in triumph. However, finding the best way
to overcome those battles without giving in to the toxic things will more than
likely be the hardest battle of them all.
Every
single day kids, teens and young adults are suffering. Some are being bullied
constantly while others might be dealing with family issues and/or experiencing
a breakup. Some are cutting, not eating and feel more alone than they’ve ever
felt because they all share the same thing in common, the need to give in to
society’s expectations. The horrible thing is most adults (be it a teacher,
parents and even some counselors) seem to brush it off and say
“things aren't that bad”, “you’re just at that age” or even “suck it
up” which makes them feel like they are truly alone and begin to do the
unthinkable.
Don’t believe the lie that that your issues aren’t important and that you don’t matter. Whatever you are going through, it is YOUR battle. There is no size limit of battles in order to gain importance, it’s your pain and you’re allowed to hurt. You’re allowed to cry, you’re allowed to be selfish right now but do not give in to this. Do not encourage these accounts that make you believe you are worthless and hideous to continue posting. Do not believe the lie that tells you that no one gives a crap about you and please don’t believe the lie that you don’t belong in this world. I understand that you believe that this is what is helping you stay alive right now but it’s not. These accounts are triggers. It’s heartbreaking to read the things these people post and realize that they actually believe that they are helping others and this is what recovering is supposed to be.
I
can assure you that that is far from the truth. I’m sure there are a few of you
who are reading this judging me and asking me how could I possibly understand;
how would I know what this pain feels like and what gives me the right to say
anything. I want you to know that
I do know what it feels like to be ignored; I know what it feels like to believe
you’re alone; to feel pain; to feel worthless. I know what it feels like to
think, “why me?” but I also know for a fact what it feels like to know that things
do get better. Sure, I still have bad days as does anyone else but trust me,
these bad days are nothing compared to the bad days of my past.
When
I was 16 years old, I stopped telling those I loved how I felt; I smiled that fake
smile, bottled up the bad and truly believed that things were better this way. For
the longest, I was fooled into believing that no one cared about me or what I
was going through emotionally. I believed that I was worthless; I believed that
things wouldn’t get better and I believed that I would never amount to
anything. At the time, life was more than I could handle and felt as if
everything was out of my control. I struggled with self harm, on and off, for
four years because I believed that this was the one thing I could control
because for a moment in time I was numb from reality and pain free emotionally.
But the numbness ended and sooner or later I realized this isn’t who I am
supposed to be.
I
got help and though I had days where I fell, I believed things would get better
so I got back up and started all over again. Although the road was rough, I don’t
regret my battle one bit because now I believe that maybe somehow I was meant
to go through that; I was meant to experience that pain in order to show you,
whoever you may be, that life does get better. Today, I can proudly say that I
am 2 years, 8 months and 23 days cut free. In only a matter of months I will
hit the three year mark and I am more than a little proud of myself.
Your
battle does not define you and what you’re going through right now does not
determine who you’re going to be for the rest of your life. Yes, the road to
recovery will be hard. It can be a little lonely at times and there’s no doubt
that it won’t be a little painful but hang onto the hope that one day your
smile will be real and your heart will be full. There will be times where you will fall but
that does not make you a failure, it just means you have to get up and try even
harder. Eventually, one day cut free will turn into one week; one week will
turn into one month and sooner or later you will hit the one year mark. You
will begin to notice that your scars have faded and even though they are still
there, this experience will make you realize that you weren’t born to be
perfect but that you were born to be real. Your strength is real, your heart is
real and you are real.
You
are absolutely nothing less than amazing and are worth so much to me, your
family, your friends and everyone you meet along the way. You are just as worthy
of life, love and happiness as the next person is and have been put here to do
amazing things. You might not believe any of that right now and you probably
think that no one cares about you but the truth is, there are so many people out
there who care about you and if all else fails, I care. I truly believe that
you will overcome this battle no matter how broken down you are right now and one
day you will wake up from this nightmare and utilize the pain to inspire
others. Continue to be strong and everything will be just fine but until then keep
in mind that, “Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times if one only
remembers to turn on the light.”
I
love each and every one of you and thank you for reading.
xo,
alicia.
FYI, you can find a list of hotlines and their numbers here. Stay strong!
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